An Equation Won't Have A Solution If A Variable Is Missing

 

I never imagined using this gif in this sense.

As many now know, Stana Katic, who plays Captain Kate Beckett in the ABC’s police procedural Castle, won’t be returning if and when the show gets a ninth and, possibly, final season. I won’t go into details since it has been in several media outlets because I don’t want to tarnish anything this show and this character has done to me and Stana had already tweeted about it.

See, I came to the fandom five years late. I was watching NERD HQ’s Doctor Who panel which was moderated by Nathan Fillion. I was drawn to his panel in turn and from that, I thought hm…why not watch Castle. So I did. First let me give you a background.

There was this website, called GetGlue, which gave out free stickers of shows, books, movies, etc. ABC was a partner so Castle was included in their sticker roster. This was around 2011/12. You had to check-in to the show when it’s airing to get the sticker. I remember very well a Yahoo TV! sticker. It was Stana and I found it cute. I somewhat knew her but not the extent I know now. Then a storm struck one week and power went off. I was so disappointed because I didn’t get to check-in (it was for “Heroes and Villains”). A friend promised and sent me the physical sticker. I wasn’t watching the show then. Comedy was my go-to genre with sci-fi/fantasy a close second. Grimm is an exception because it’s a whole blend of weirdness and reality. Then it was announced that 30 Rock will end in 2013. Wide, wide gap in my fan life.

I started watching Castle when I had just turned 30, no job, personally broke, and professional fangirl. Bum, I think is the correct word. I was just in front of the computer, YouTubing, searching for nothing. Then came the SDCC panels.

So that’s it.

The moment Kate Beckett walked in that crime scene, appeared in my screen, I knew that I’m going to have some kind of admiration, love affair if you want to call it, with her. I denied it at first but by the moment she whispered to Richard Castle “You have no idea”, I really knew that this was it. This person is going to be my spirit animal. We’re so going to get along.

Kate Beckett is the character that you would want to be your best friend or your sister. I wanted her to be both. I’m the eldest so I never had anyone who I can call an older sister figure, bar some cousins. For me, Kate is the person who will be there for you to comfort you when you’re down, who will support you with your decisions, who will cheer for you in your achievements. And she did, in a way. Remember that I was a bum, lounging in my house, doing nothing? Kate became a friend to me even if I just see her on screen. In turn, I became her cheerleader during those times that I knew she felt something for Castle. I was mad at her when she kept everything a secret. I was happy when she finally got to express her love for Castle. See, best friends and sisters.

Fun fact: I remember when I did the marathon and I reached “Always”. It was also the day that Peter Capaldi was announced as the Twelfth Doctor.

Kate is also the character that will make you feel that everything will be fine in the end. She had errors, she had mistakes. She’s not an angel, she’s not perfect. She’s vulnerable. But she’s also loving, kind, unique, intelligent, fair, and just. Her flaws are what makes her human. That’s what makes her one of us. She is us. Because no one is perfect.

Kate is half of the reason why I wrote again. It was the “what would Kate do” or “what does Kate do” scenarios that brought out ideas. I wrote a bit of fanfiction when I finished FRIENDS (rewatching the first eight seasons and watching the last two because they stopped airing here). Before Castle, I never imagined myself signing up for FF.net and AO3 then abandoning it because I can’t think of my favourite characters’ WW_D moments. But since then, I have written several little things and posted them in both platforms and sometimes in my Facebook.

I didn’t think that I would become so attached to one character in my life. I had Monica, I had Liz, I had Leslie….scratch that. Leslie was my adviser in politics. Kidding aside, Kate is the only character that I would fight for tooth and nail. Earlier this season, I managed to write a seven-page, 4240-word essay defending her decision to distance herself from her husband. I never even did that in high school nor my fanfiction nor the mini-novel that I have been writing since 2009. And this was just an essay about her character. That is how I love Kate.

Kate also has the best character development in recent series that I’ve watched. She went from being guarded to being open. We saw the wall break. It’s like a flower blossoming, an ugly duckling to a swan. That’s how the transformation of Kate had gone. I’ve never seen that in other shows that I’ve watched (looking at you Glee). Kate Beckett opening up is the best thing that I’ve ever seen. As Castle described her, she’s extraordinary and it’s true.

Stana, on the other hand, is my ray of sunshine. Waking up to a weird selfie or a funny tweet always brings a smile on my face. I said this and I’ll say it again, no matter how many times:

I admire Stana not just because she is a great actress - super versatile and talented or because she’s pretty and beautiful. I admire her for her zest for life, her adventurous personality - she does her own stunts until she needs a double, her passion to learn more, and her advocacies (CHLA and the Alternative Travel Project or ATP, her own foundation). I love that, in what we publicly see of her, she is always positive, always smiling, in turn making us smile, her love of nature, her being a proud daughter and sister. I love that whilst she is a great actor, she doesn’t really strive to be super famous, preferring to do independent films rather than big budget ones (in her own words, “art over finance”). I also admire the way she keeps her private life really private because it is not for the public to feast on.

For me, she is a great role model.

I had also never imagined that I would get attached to idolising and admiring a celebrity, even from afar. Yes I love Sandra, Angelina, Hugh but never in the way I so admire Stana. Maybe it was because of what I stated above, maybe because she’s cute. Maybe it’s her dedication to her role. But I know it’s because she’s like us – she’s a fangirl, too. It’s also her love for the show and her unceasing cheering for Caskett. I have never seen a celebrity do that.

Fun fact: I thought I had followed Stana some years before I started watching. It was on a friend’s Tumblr reblog that I’ve noticed – her tweets’ screenshot. I went to her Twitter and her bio was what made me like her. Actually, I thought it was Jennifer Morrison but I know I had been following her because of Once. What a shame (for me).

Castle is the love letter of series creator Andrew W Marlowe to his wife Terri Edda Miller. Terri is the Beckett to AWM’s Castle. Let us just all remember that.

I can’t believe that everything is ending but all good things must come to an end. My five stages of grief keeps on shuffling and reshuffling, reaching the start of acceptance then it comes barreling down to denial again and shuffling to bargaining and so on. I know that people will perceive it as mad to compare it that but Kate Beckett is my assurance when I’m feeling down.

It’s the end of an era. Castle without Beckett is like a country without her king. If you want to put in fandom terms, it’s The Doctor without his TARDIS.

Before this becomes another 4000-word essay, I will say this: I’ve come to terms with the news and with the way Stana was let go. She has a bright future ahead of her and I will be there, waving and cheering from a distance. I haven’t come to terms with not seeing Kate on my screen every week should there be a new season. I can watch from the very beginning but it all depends on what will happen in the finale. Will I be watching a Season 9? If it’s just Hayley and Alexis, pretty much. I love Hayley. And just imagine the “tension” with the younger Castle. *wink wink* But with Castle in the fray? Maybe, maybe not. I’m here for the story but I don’t know how long if you take out one integral part of the equation.

“We’re all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh?” – Eleventh Doctor, 5x13 The Big Bang

I can’t imagine Castle without Beckett. Beckett is the driving force. She is why Castle managed to write again. She is the inspiration behind the Nikki Heat series. She is the heart and soul, the glue that keeps everything and everyone together. A writer and his muse. If there will be a Season 9, it will just be a writer.

“It’s time to say goodbye. […] There’s no regrets. All in all I think we’ve had a great run.” - Kate Beckett, 5x22 Still

But I’m not saying goodbye or farewell. I’m saying, Until tomorrow, Katherine Houghton Beckett. We’ll see each other again.